It’s hard to believe an entire decade has passed us by and we’ve already rolled into a new one. It kind of amazes me to look back on all that I’ve grown through over the past ten years, and writing out the date - 2020 - has a mystical feel to it. There’s something about twenty-twenty that makes me feel incredibly optimistic about the next decade.
But before I get too far into thinking about the future, I want to take time to reflect on what I want to take-away from the past ten years. I thought I’d dust off my old blog to share with you these little nuggets in case they might help someone out there. One of my goals for this new year is to return to writing and blogging because I’m aiming to deliver a first draft of my book to my agent by November. (Here’s to putting our big dreams out into the Universe!)
Here are ten things 2000-2019 taught me:
It’s Okay to Fail
I’ve had my fair share of failures over the past ten years and I’m grateful for each and every one of those setbacks because each one taught me something valuable. First and foremost, if we don’t take a risk, we will never have to worry about failing. So I guess you can say I’ve taken some chances with my life over this past decade because I’ve got some fails to show for it.
In 2011, with a three-year-old and an almost-one-year-old, after having survived postpartum psychosis and ante-natal psychosis, I decided to start a blog in the hopes of helping someone who might have been feeling as scared, lonely and lost as I did when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I felt like it was my duty to tell my story because if I were to stay silent, I’d be adding to the shame and stigma. I envisioned myself as part of the wave of mental health advocates who were popping up to shatter the silence around mental illness. I had a story to tell and I was no longer afraid to put myself out there.
Starting my blog (originally titled BipolarMomLife.com) eventually led me to create This Is My Brave, but before the concept was successfully funded on Kickstarter, it actually failed first. The original name for the project was Don’t Call Me Crazy, but due to creative differences with the woman who I had launched it with, I had to start over from scratch. Thankfully, the project was born again with the new (and more fitting!) name of This Is My Brave and we’ve gone on to do some pretty remarkable things over the past six years.
I’ve had many other failures throughout these past ten years, and each has made me stronger than before. You can’t accomplish big goals without taking risks and when we take chances there will always be failures. What we must learn to do is learn from the times things didn’t go as planned and carry those lessons with us. Without failure, there is no growth. I like growing, so I’ll look forward to growing through my setbacks.
Nature is soothing and energizing
When I make time to be outdoors and appreciate nature, my whole attitude shifts. Although more difficult in the winter months, I do my best to take advantage of the warmer days to get outside and breathe in the fresh air without the distractions of technology. There are studies that have proven the benefits of time spent in nature and I’d definitely agree that I can feel it even after taking a simple walk.
This past June my in-laws took our family out to visit Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks and it was a week-long vacation I’ll always treasure. Taking in the beauty and grandeur of our national treasures brought me a calmness and stillness that re-charged my batteries and left me craving more. So much so, my husband and I are planning to take our kids out west to see the Grand Canyon and Zion National Parks this spring. It took me many years to reach a point in my life where I recognized and appreciated the value of nature. We should all take advantage of the nature around us to boost our mental health - it’s as easy as a walk around the block.
Strong Friendships Take Work
Over the past decade some of my friendships have grown stronger, and others have begun to fade away from lack of tending. I’ve learned that friendships are, and always have been, a two-way street. They can’t survive if one person is investing more than the other. Both sides need to feed the relationship so that it can grow. Lopsided friendships aren’t fair and they aren’t worth it.
I’ve learned that the best investments in my friendships are made up of the quality time we spend together. Whether it’s a 3-hour coffee to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time or a quick 10-minute call with a girlfriend to make plans for later that week, I crave conversation with my friends over text messages. I’ve always hated texting, much preferring actual face-to-face chats to the convenience of a text convo.
My high school girlfriends and I started an email chain to keep updated on each other’s lives back before social media took off. Once Facebook and Instagram became popular, our updates shifted to more of an online presence. And this year we started using the video messaging app Marco Polo to stay in touch which is fun because we get to see each other and each person can watch/respond whenever it’s convenient. No matter how we keep in touch digitally, we always make time to spend time together in person, too. It’s not easy since we all have kids now, but we make the effort and have been building memories each and every year. I have a deep appreciation for my life-long friendships. Like the country song goes, “Nobody gets a second chance to make new old friends.”
It’s Okay (and Essential!) to Rest
This past year I made a more concerted effort to take consistent downtime instead of constantly being plugged into my work. I realized that my husband has a job that he doesn’t take home with him in the evening or over the weekends. When he leaves his desk for the day, his work is turned off. Other professions are the same - their work stays at the office. Just because I have a job that I can do from home by logging in on my laptop, doesn’t mean that I should constantly be “on” or available. I deserve to work regular office hours, too. And so do you.
I’ve also learned more recently that it’s okay to take a break from social media. I’ve read several books over the past month on the topic of minimizing the time I’m engaging with my phone and I am loving the way I’m feeling since taking the control back. I’ve deleted social media apps from my iphone, have spent more time offline than online and have noticed a significant boost in my overall mood. I will be writing more on this particular take-away in the near future, so stay tuned for more of how my digital detox will be following me into 2020 in upcoming posts.
Rest and solitude help us to process our thoughts and reflect on our life and we need this precious time in our schedules. I’m planning more unplugged evenings, weekends, and true vacations in the coming years.
I Miss Writing Regularly
Cheryl Strayed said, “You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.” I had the pleasure of meeting Cheryl at the Wild Mountain Memoir Writers Retreat in Seattle and she was gracious enough to listen to me babble about my story while she signed all three of her books for me. She is a huge inspiration to me and I often think back to that time when I met her and I was writing regularly. It was very cathartic for me, and I know I need to get back to it.
The book inside me whispers to me practically every day. I know that if I keep doing the work, eventually my book will emerge. The chapters have begun to take shape and I’m eager to flesh out the meat of it as I refine the structure. My intent is that this will be the year I’ll discipline myself to write consistently so that I can deliver a draft to my oh-so-patient agent who has been so supportive and wonderful to work with.
Reading Fuels My Creativity
I’ve decided I want to try to read a book a week this year. I’m going to encourage the kids to join me by making weekend runs to the library to get new reads each week. Hopefully I can teach them how to pace their reading so as to keep up with this ambitious goal.
Since making more time for meaningful analog activities, I’ve read a bunch of books this past month. I used to think that reading was holding me back from my writing, but instead I’ve found that it helps spark new ideas and motivates me to get back to my writing. I still need to work on the balance of reading to writing, but for now am going with the momentum I’ve built up over this past month. With less time online and more time to invest in reading real books (versus online articles), I’m excited to see if I can reach my goal of a book per week in 2020.
Adjusting My Technology Habits for Productivity
There is a place for technology but it has no right to jeopardize my mental health. The impetus for taking a break from social media in December came from me recognizing that my mood suddenly seemed to drop after about 20 minutes online. I decided to see what would happen if I took the month to detox and create healthier habits with my phone and social media. Figuring out how to adjust the settings on my phone to make it more of a productivity tool versus a time suck was a game-changer for me.
For starters, I scheduled Do Not Disturb time in my settings so that I’m not interrupted when I want to stay focused. (Just remember to allow calls from Favorites and have any important contacts saved in Favorites so they can come through - such as your kids’ school.) This strategy, in addition to removing the mobile versions of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram was how I ensured a true break. I now log in from my laptop when I want to spend time on those apps, and the time I’ve spent on them has significantly dropped since beginning this process. I find much more enjoyment in in-person and off-line activities. I do realize that social media has value of course, and it’s not going anywhere. I’m just taking my time to figure out the way I personally want to utilize it moving forward.
Exercise Keeps Me Healthy
Learning to incorporate thirty minutes of exercise into each and every day wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. About six years ago, my brother introduced me to Beachbody products when we decided as a family to all commit to finishing P90x. The program of working out for three months straight (with rest days built in- active recovery days, they call them), taught me what I was capable of accomplishing. It felt good to cross the workout off the calendar every day. Learning how to build exercise into my daily routine became second nature after only a few months. Once it becomes a habit, it becomes a natural part of your life and you want to move your body because it helps you feel good.
Sure, I’ve had my ups and downs and have had periods of my life over the past decade when I wasn’t consistent with exercise. I’ve had seasons where my clothes fit tighter and I’ve been too depressed to work out. But experience has taught me that the benefits of exercising for 30 minutes a day far outweigh the inconveniences. Which is why I love Beachbody because there are so many different programs and they’re always coming out with new ones. (I swear this is not a sponsored post! I just appreciate their programs.) I recently started Morning Meltdown and enjoy alternating it with my yoga classes.
Food is Fuel
I’ve experimented with a few diets over the past ten years, and even went on a juice cleanse for a week after watching a couple of food documentaries in 2012. What I’ve learned is that my body feels best when I take care with what I feed it. So when I’m eating mainly vegetarian and healthy, lean proteins, I feel strong. Our bodies weren’t meant to run on candy, soda and processed snacks/foods. When we pay attention to what we’re feeding ourselves, we’re able to operate at our best and we feel good.
Food bloggers make this super easy for those of us who are looking for inspiration. Simply google whatever you’re in the mood for, such as “winter salad recipes” and you’re flooded with ideas and step-by-step instructions. I bookmark my favorite bloggers to pull up their recipes when I’m in need of a new idea for something to cook. The library’s New Releases shelf is another good place to find new healthy cookbooks.
All We Have is the Present
If I’ve learned anything from the past ten years it’s that all we’re ever promised is the moment right in front of us. I want to be more present in the present, and not caught up on my phone at the risk of missing out on what’s directly in front of me. I want to pay attention and spend more time with those I love since we never know what the future holds.
This decade has taught me way more than the ten takeaways I’ve shared here, and I’m grateful for all the ups and downs and in-betweens along the way. By taking time to imagine where I want to be in ten years and breaking those dreams down into smaller goals, life becomes this open canvas of possibilities. I’m excited for what I’m dreaming up for the next ten years and the days I have ahead to get me there.
What about you? What’s on your vision board for the next decade?